As an Outsider, I am standing in the night
Watching the abandoned house burning everybody speak loudly in patio English
It enraptures them as fireflies dance merrily
I don’t know what they say
I watch the smoking fades into the humid air
As an Outsider, I am in the land of many waters Walking through the bustling downtown guarding my bag tightly my loose clothes, my frizzy hair, my strange behaviours, mosquito bites Ah, my blood is not saturated with their tropical environment They know I am not from here
As an Outsider, I am wearing the wrong size of sandals
Unaware of noises I make when I walk
Slapping on bad roads happily
my eyes widen with heavenly curiosity
see many rompers I never had one
later I learn they hear different music from stores
As an Outsider, I ring the church
a man opens the door; he asks what I want?
“Hi, I want to meet other Deaf people. Can I enter?”
Happily, our hands are flying in the air
Learn some of their signs
Men drive by and stare at us with a smiling curiosity
As an Outsider, I am sitting in the back of car I write to the driver why many streets don’t have name signs He is puzzled and replies, “Some streets” Ah, maybe this driver is somewhat illiterate many days go on; I learn that education is bad there Gesturing and lipreading I try my best to understand something more
As an Outsider, my auntie shows me the invitation to LGBT event
I peep at the seemingly macho
I stay quiet, nervous hopefully this man doesn’t know I’m bisexual
A drunk topless woman carries a gun
she boasts with a carnival pride
Adults and children take pictures of her
As an Outsider, I am at the Midtown bar
Sitting with this gorgeous curvy butch woman writes a lot about herself; I like her Suddenly, we are on the Freak Show drivers laugh at us; enjoy seeing us doing unholy deeds I roll my eyes “Men!” As an Outsider, I am still watching the house fire Envisaging the earth goes through the fire for a perfect world so then I won’t be an Outsider I give a farewell to the Guyana Flag I hop on the airplane I watch the land becomes smaller, then water, then clouds
The Unicorn Zine interviewed me in this article: https://unicornzine.com/issue-007/speaking-in-silence-feverish-night/
Written by Tamyka Bullen